maebishonu

He that will an Ale-House keepe
Must haue three things in store:
A Chamber and a Feather Bed
A Chimney and a hey nonny nonny
Hey nonny nonny
Hey nonny no.

–Thomas Ravenscroft, 1611

If you’re an adventurer, you know that sleeping in a bed with a roof over your head can be a special treat after days or weeks of sleeping on the cold ground. So when the time comes to find an inn, it helps to find one that meets all your needs. Here are two very different inns; the first a “four star” and the second a “two star”.

The Thirsty Mermaid

The Crow’s Nest

Lorynthea Jewelers

City of Lorynthea

This is the first map I ever made using AutoRealm. It’s a bit rough. At least it’s easily customizable..

Dungeon Hideout

Guide:

(arrow symbol) The door swings open to reveal a small area that’s 10 feet by 10 feet. Two tunnels are visible from here: one going west, the other going south.

T1 – Crossbow Trap.
Triggered by floor tile (Find DC 20, disable DC 20)
Fires heavy crossbow bolt from left (south) at height of 3 feet. Resets automatically 15 sec. after triggered.
Crossbow bold does 1d10 damage; no poison.
Contains 10 shots.

1 – This room is 10 feet by 15 feet. All around are old and shredded bits of cloth and parchment which have a rancid odor. The tunnel continues on to the west, but before you can get to it you’ll have to get past the Dire Rats.

3 Dire Rats
HP 7, 4, 4
AC 15
Diseased bite (1d4 damage + disease)

Disease:
• 1d3 days incubation
• 1d3 Dex
• 1d3 Con
• Constitution Save

2 – This dark room is 10 feet by 10 feet. On the floor you see a medium humanoid skeleton, with many of its bones cracked and broken. It appears to have been an adventurer, judging from the gear lying about; and it must have been crushed to death, judging by the large snake in the room.
Medium Constrictor Snake
HP 19, AC 15
Will not attack unless provoked
+3 Initiative
Bite damage 1d3+4
Constrict damage 1d3+4/round
(see MM for more detail)

3 – Having gotten past the trap, you notice a new worry. In the 15 foot wide by 20 foot deep room, you can hear rattling and hissing. The tunnel continues to the west.
4 Tiny Viper Snakes
Strike (bite) gets +5 to attack
Damage 1d4 + poison
Fort save vs. poison 10
Dmg 1d6 to Con

4 – Across the floor of this 20 by 20 foot room, a trickle of fresh water has eroded its way into the cracks on the floor. The water is only a few inches deep, and only a foot across at its widest point, and is flowing from right to left (north to south).
2 Medium Monstrous Centipedes
HP 6,5 AC 14
Base attack +2
Dmg from bite 1d4 + poison
Posion: Fort save DC 10; dmg 1d3 to Dex.
(See MM for more detail)

5 – The tunnel opens into a large room, 20 feet deep by 25 feet wide. In the back right (northwest) corner of the room is what appears to be a 4 foot wide well–and standing near it is a menacing-looking woman in a cloak.
This is actually an illusion created by K’Ashira, using silent image and ventriloquism. The actual K’Ashira is invisible, in the room. Upon seeing the PCs, the illusion will appear to jump into the well. If any PC goes to the well to investigate, he must make a DC 20 balance check or be pushed into the well. Meanwhile, during the distraction, K’Ashira (able to cast silently due to a feat) will cast summon swarm.

The walls appear to be shuddering, as though in flickering light. Soon, however, you see that it’s hundreds of spiders pouring out through the cracks in the walls!

Spider Swarm
HP 9, AC 17
At first sighting, DC must make Con save against DC 11 or be nauseated for 1 round.
Dmg 1d3 + poison
Poison save DC 11, affects 1d3 Str.

T2 – Portcullis Trap (triggered by low tripwire)
+10 to attack (as though melee); does 3d6 damage
Only affects person standing underneath
Search DC 20, Disable DC 20
Once set, portcullis needs combined str of 32 to lift.
Trap has manual reset.

X – Turning the corner, you enter the room to find K’Ashira the Red herself, lounging on a couch, as though waiting for you. (If her spider familiar hasn’t been killed yet) A cat-sized furry spider climbs the wall nearby.
Total treasure in the room valued at 1600 gp.

$ – Treasure valued at 900gp
1 healers’ kit
1 50′ silk rope
1 bullseye lantern
1 pouch containing 322 gp, 20 sp, 6 cp
1 pouch containing amethyst (100 gp) and moonstone (50gp)
Silver comb set with moonstones (550 gp)
Broken battleaxe (the poor dead adventurer must have fumbled )
2 daggers

Day 3: The Hunt in Stumbletown
Lorynthea, in my own game, is a primarily Elven city. The Humans tend to be more economically downtrodden, being a minority (this is why Elves tend to hold high-ranking jobs where Humans work low-wage ones), and the more callous racists among the elves call them “stumbles” (because they stumble in the dark, where an Elf can see fine). Thus the rough part of town is known unofficially as “Stumbletown”. It’s here that the PCs must find Tom Pocket, and through him find K’Ashira’s hiding place.

The first person they encounter in Stumbletown is Lendina Zelwen, the local laundress (see Stats). She’s struggling with two full laundry baskets plus a young son and a toddler daughter (“Zak, get your sister!”) If the PCs are chivalrous to help her carry the laundry baskets to her house she’ll be most appreciative. She won’t, however, invite them in, explaining that “The last time I invited a nice man in I ended up with three children.” She doesn’t know of Tom Pocket, she’s only heard that he’s a thief, but suggests that “Miss Blade over at the Dagger might know; she knows lots of people.”

The Black Dagger Inn is a shady tavern and flophouse in Stumbletown which serves hard alcohol and bare basics for food. It’s owned and managed by Katerina Blade (see Stats), a human woman of striking (if world-weary) appearance.

Also present in the tavern are the scruffy Jonnik Skull (see Stats) and the corpulent Elven gambler “Fat” Filius North (see Stats). Filius is looking for people to play cards with him (I suggest RPing a game of 31 or “skat” with interested PCs). He’s more likely to say anything about Pocket if plied with a few rounds plus a game or two. He’d also like for any female PCs to sit on the sides of him. He says he likes to surround himself with pretty girls to make him look a little less ugly; he also jokes that at his age and with his knee he’s just looking for a one night sit.

• Gather Information check, DC 10: Tom Pocket and his sister Mary used to run a scam at the Black Dagger. She (working as a “lady of the evening”) would lure a mark up to a room, and while she distracted him her brother Tom would sneak in and rifle through the mark’s clothing, stealing anything of value. And, the only known easy access to anything underground would be a manhole leading to a part of the sewer system.
• DC 12: Tom and Mary may have skipped town; nobody’s seen them for a couple days.
• DC 15: Nobody’s actually seen them leave town, however.
• DC 18: Tom Pocket is probably taking food to “That spider wench”; the last he was seen at the Dagger he was stuffing his pockets with excess food, and a pickpocket as successful as him usually doesn’t need to horde food.

Some spying on the manhole (Hide checks!) will show a man matching Tom Pocket’s description arriving after dark. He’ll do a furtive “spot” to make sure nobody’s watching him before descending into the sewers below.

The sewer has a hidden door leading into the underground hideout of K’Ashira. To open the door, a nearby valve wheel on a pipe has to be turned counter-clockwise, and then a protruding block in the wall pushed in to activate a switch. This causes the door to swing inward. If the PCs are clever, they’ll have someone already in the sewer waiting to see what he does.

The PCs must navigate the dungeon (see Dungeon Map and guide). When at last they arrive at K’Ashira’s lair, take some advice that I learned the hard way: DON’T MONOLOGUE!!

Epilogue:The Heroes!
By now the PCs will have defeated K’Ashira and acquired the Curse Amulet. By now they should also have figured out how to destroy it. The Curse will remain as long as the amulet exists, whether or not K’Ashira survives. The Baron will award Our Heroes with the Key to the City (more on that in a bit) for K’Ashira’s capture, and the joyous news will be spread that the streets of Lorynthea are safe once more. Once the amulet is destroyed, people who had been Afflicted will have an instantaneous recovery; those imprisoned will be released. While at the ceremony where the PCs get their awards, they’ll meet Mallick in the crowd.

“I know a verbal apology is trite, compared to everything I put you through. But I hope, in time, you can come to accept it. If you’ll allow me, I’d like to treat you to a round at the pub, just to show you that I have no hard feelings.”

Their getting together in the pub is a great place to wrap up this adventure, and maybe start the hook to the next one.

The Key to the City
These days, the Key to the City is a largely symbolic gesture. But in a day and age in which cities actually had walls and gates, it is a handy thing indeed. With the Key to the City, one can enter and leave the city of Lorynthea as they please, and are exempt from paying tolls. And, as defenders of the city, they are no longer required to peace-tie their weapons within city walls. Holders of the Key to the City is also allowed access to all sections of the Library (including the restricted ones) as long as the Library is open. Finally, merchants are impressed by Keyholders and are likely to offer discounts and/or upgrades to them.

Afflicted Old Woman

Human Female Commoner 1 (Afflicted/Contagious)
AC 12 (touch 12, Flatfooted 10)
HP 4
Right hand: Cast Iron Frying Pan – dmg 1d4 bludgeoning (crit x2)
-5 to attack if used at same time as knife
Left hand: Kitchen Knife – 1d3 piercing/slashing damage (crit 19/20 x2)
-9 to attack if used at same time as frying pan
If unconscious, unarmed, or down to her last HP, she’ll stop attacking.

Bartlett Thornwood

Half-Elven Male – LN – L2 Adept (Barister)
5’4 – 130lbs
Hair Brown, Eyes blue, skin fair
HP 6 AC 9

Jeweler

Elven Male – NG – L7 Adept
Hair brown (balding), eyes brown, skin medium/light
5’2″ – 139lb.
Strength: 10 (+0)
Dexterity: 12 (+1)
Constitution: 7 (-2)
Intelligence: 17 (+3)
Wisdom: 15 (+2)
Charisma: 14 (+2)
HP 15, AC 11

Bruno the Dog

Canine Male (Mastiff)
Fur Brown, Eyes Amber
HP 16 AC 12
(See MM “Riding Dog” for more details)

Lendina Zelwen

Human Female – NN – L2 Commoner (Laundress)
5’8 – 145lb – Hair brown, Eyes brown, Skin brown
Strength: 13 (+1)
Dexterity: 9 (-1)
Constitution: 17 (+3)
Intelligence: 11 (+0)
Wisdom: 9 (-1)
Charisma: 15 (+2)
HP 12, AC 9

Zakkius “Zak” Zelwen
Human Male – NN – L1 Commoner (Age 8 )
HP 6, AC 13

Melisme Zelwen
Human Female – NN – L1 Commoner (age 2)
HP 4, AC 12

Katerina Blade

Landlady of the Black Dagger
Human Female – CG – L11 Rogue (age 48)
5’4 – 127lbs, Hair Platinum/Grey streaked, Eyes Brown, Skin Tan
Long hair tied back in ponytail, wears a tattered captain’s coat
Strength: 14 (+2)
Dexterity: 16 (+3)
Constitution: 10 (+0)
Intelligence: 11 (+0)
Wisdom: 15 (+2)
Charisma: 16 (+3)
HP 40, AC 13
Armed with 2 daggers
Katerina Blade is thrice wed and thrice widowed, having inherited the Dagger from her late third husband, Patrick. She’s more listener than speaker, and tends to be distrustful of authority figures (especially city guards).

“Fat” Filius North

Elven Male – CG – L2 Rogue
5’4″, 149 lbs., Hair Black (receding), beard, eyes grey, skin medium/fair
Strength: 10 (+0)
Dexterity: 11 (+0)
Constitution: 11 (+0)
Intelligence: 12 (+1)
Wisdom: 12 (+1)
Charisma: 13 (+1)
HP 9, AC 10
“Fat” Filius (or, as he prefers, “Large-framed” Filius or “Big Boned” Filius) is an avid gambler. His two loves are cards and pretty girls. And single-malt Troll’s Delight. Three, three loves. Cards, pretty girls, and Troll’s Delight. And good food. Four! Four loves…

Jonnik “Jon” Skull

Human Male – CN – L4 Rogue
5’10 – 192 lbs. Hair black (long, shaggy, in eyes), stubble, blue eyes (left is covered with patch), skin dirty tan.
Strength: 8 (-1)
Dexterity: 13 (+1)
Constitution: 9 (-1)
Intelligence: 9 (-1)
Wisdom: 11 (+0)
Charisma: 8 (-1)
HP 14, AC 11
Armed with short sword and dagger

Tom Pocket

Human Male- CE – L6 Rogue
5’9 – 176lbs – Hair brown, eyes brown, skin tan
Wears brown tunic and hooded grey cloak
Strength: 9 (-1)
Dexterity: 17 (+3)
Constitution: 9 (-1)
Intelligence: 15 (+2)
Wisdom: 15 (+2)
Charisma: 7 (-2)
HP 21, AC 13
Armed with dagger and sap
Just about everyone in Stumbletown has been robbed by Tom Pocket at one time or another. He’s rather plain looking and not exactly a joy to be around, but he knows how to pick a pocket or cut a purse before you even notice he’s there.

A strange curse seems to be spreading like a disease through the city of Lorynthea. Otherwise mild-mannered people (like old men and nuns) are suddenly and unexpectedly erupting into a violent rampage. Every day more people are being locked up. It’s believed to be an enchantment of some sort, and the culprit an elusive woman called K’Ashira the Red.

In this small to medium sized city, enchantments are forbidden, weapons must be peace-tied within city walls, and the only people trusted less than the City Guards are outsiders. The city also houses the Royal Library (see here), a monastery of a specific sort (more on that later) and a less-than-savory quarter of town where the more disaffected call home.

What you need to know about the Curse:

• If an Infected individual touches bare palm or fingers to bare skin of a non-infected one, the latter must make a Fortitude Save DC 15. If save is made, the touched avoids affliction. If the save is not made, then in 1d4 hours the touched becomes delusional and begins to think everyone is his enemy. Within 3d8 hours of this symptom, the newly afflicted loses all memory of himself and everyone he knows. Within 3d8 more hours, the newly afflicted becomes fervently homocidal as well contagious; they get +1 to attack rolls.
• Origin: created by K’Ashira (see Character Sheet), the Curse on Lorynthea will remain until K’Ashira’s demonic amulet is destroyed, as its stone contains the essence of her spell.
• To destroy the amulet, its stone must be cracked with a silver or holy item (such as a hammer, rod, etc.) Impact from silver (or holy weapon) is the only thing which will cause the stone to crack. If the amulet is kept in a holy place (e.g.: a church or monastery, or on the person of a Paladin) the curse will still exist in those afflicted but cease to spread.

Prologue: The Witness
Late in the evening, contrive a way for your PC of Small Size to be out in the streets alone. Upon making a turn, she makes the Spot Check and spies something in an alley: A humanoid woman (she looks vaguely like another of the female PCs, but vaguely enough that it’s obviously not) is holding a talisman of some kind in one hand. Her right hand is touching the forehead of an old man. She chants something in an unrecognizable language (Infernal). Just then, she sees or hears the PC. Allow the PC to get away unharmed for now; fake die rolls as needed.

Day 1: The Arrest
The next day, news spreads by way of town crier about two important events:

• An elderly man was arrested after a violent rampage in a tavern; he attempted to attack people with a fork. The man was taken to the prison.
• K’Ashira the Red is still at large. City guards are looking for a young (girl or boy, depending on the PC’s gender) regarding her whereabouts.

Meanwhile, gossip is overheard in the marketplace:

• The Lunarian Brotherhood (Monastery) is missing its ceremonial silver hammer.
• A merchant had a pair of silver-plated mugs stolen last week, and the guards are sure dragging their feet on it.
• Half the City Guards are corrupt. They’re probably more interested in money than justice.
• The metalsmith’s guild was broken into.
  • Gather Information check, DC 15: The metalsmith’s guild is missing two pounds of silver bars.
  • DC 17:They wish to keep on the down-low about it, because the silver came from the Baron’s own stores to fashion a pair of ornamental swords.
  • DC 19: The site of the break-in is strange, in that only something the size of a cat or smaller could have fit through the window to the storage cellar (which was opened but not broken) and that (Search check DC 15) cobwebs are undisturbed.

Bear in mind: any PC with a WIS score of more than 9 will probably figure out that the only way the guards would know about her witnessing the enchantment would be from the perpetrator herself, and thus find it in her best interest to keep out of trouble with the law.

At some point, the PCs may consider going to the prison to investigate. Somehow (leave it to your DM creativity how, heh) the one female bearing a VERY vague resemblance to K’Ashira is arrested and booked by Lieutenant Mallick Eleguth (see Character Sheet). The clerk at the prison will inform the remaining party members present that her hearing will be at the courthouse tomorrow at 8 AM, and that an attorney would be a good idea.

The hearing will determine whether the arrested PC is competent to stand trial. The only way the case could be dismissed at this point is if it’s proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the person on the stand is NOT K’Ashira the Red.

Also, at some point during the day, an Affected Elderly Woman attacks (see Stats) one or more of the players. She’s not yet contagious, but she’s paranoid and furious. She’ll rant about how they took “her Hubert” away but they’ll never take her away!

Afflicted people may still be at large in the city. It may add a real element of excitement to have the occasional random attack with a chance of infecting a PC…

Night 2: The Payoff
The only attorney remotely willing to take the case is one Bartlett Thornwood (see Stats). He has a kind of bumbling, “Columbo” manner about him, maybe with a hint of “My Cousin Vinnie”. He has lots of experience in tax law–but not criminal law. Fortunately, his fee is not an expensive one.

He figures that the likeliest way to prove that it’s mistaken identity is to prove that there’s no way that there’s any illusion, wild shape, etc. If only there were a court-admissable way to do that…

That evening, perhaps as the PCs are returning to their rooms after meeting an attorney, perhaps as one is out walking, whatever, a conversation from a nearby window is heard. It’s between K’Ashira and Mallick; he receives half of his “payment” with the promise that he’ll receive the other half when they “find the kid; if you don’t, (s)he could ruin everything!” Mallick, foggy on the details of the plan, gets an impatient explanation from K’Ashira that once the town is fully in the grip of this plague and the Baron is willing to give anything to the person who can save the day. When that happens, she explains, there will be a sizeable promotion available for him.

IF the PCs actually try to enter the room, they first will have to get through the jewel shop on the ground floor (see Map), which will be guarded by Bruno (see Stats) and likely get the attention of the Jeweler (see Stats). They will then have to ascend the wooden stairs, which is likely to get the attention of K’Ashira and Mallick. K’Ashira will immediately go invisible and jump out the window, escaping into the alley below with plenty of time to get away unnoticed. Mallick will be ready to fight. If he starts to get cornered, he will Bull-rush past the PCs to get outside, downstairs, and into the street. Once there, he’ll call for backup. K’Ashira’s spider familiar is lurking in the cobwebs on the ceiling, and will drop and attack (see Monstrous Spider, Tiny in the MM). There’s not much in the room: a fireplace, a mattress, a table and chair, and a chest.

The chest contains:

• 2 1-pound bars of silver
• 2 silverplated heavy mugs
• an ornate (masterwork) silver hammer

Day 2: The Hearing
Early the next morning is the hearing for the PC at the courthouse. She’ll have spent the night alone in the cell, with her thumbs cuffed (in a superstitious attempt to keep her from casting spells), her weapons and armor confiscated, her clothing replaced with a prison-issue outfit. She’ll have been given bread and milk for 2 meals a day, because the guards superstitiously think she can cast spells with clear water. She’s not “interrogated” or anything; she’s treated fairly humanely (for solitary confinement in a medieval gaol at least).

Judge Argentia Whitefall (Elf, F, L/N) presides over the hearing. Stats aren’t given because I’m going to assume no PC is actually dumb enough to attack a judge in a courtroom. But just in case, roll her up a handful of sturdy Bailiffs. The prossecuting Baronial Attorney is one Erosthenes Gilder, (Elf, M, L/G) a well-spoken and clean-cut man. The PCs, let’s hope, are clever enough to prove that their comrade can’t possibly be K’Ashira the Red. Mr. Thornwood will have some tricks up his sleeve, not the least of which including calling up the PC of Small Size who actually witnessed the enchantment. If the PCs appear to really be in need of more of a hand, he may also call up an esteemed local wizard who possesses a Gem of True Seeing.

Provided they do well, not only will the wrongly accused PC be released, but Judge Whitefall will be moved to appeal to the Baron for an independent investigation into charges of incompetence and corruption in the city guard.

Thanks in no small part to his performance in court under Thornwood’s cross-examination, Lt. Mallick is among the first to fall under scrutiny, and loses his job (as the PCs will later hear either by news or gossip).

Additionally: The Royal Library has a work-exchange program thast your wizard may look into. It’s through this that an important clue can be gained. For every 4 hours that he works scibal duty for the Library, he’s allowed one hour to write in his spellbook FREE (as in, disregarding the usual gp cost to copy spells into his book). No wizard in his right mind will pass this up! While at his scribal duties, he comes upon the following:

I love props

Night 2: The Attack
That evening after dark, when the PCs are outside, they’ll hear a man call desperately for help. They may recognize him as the jeweler. “There’s a man over there being attacked!” he cries, pointing toward the alley.

Lying in the alley with -1 HP is Lt. Mallick. Women’s bootprints can be seen going out into the cobblestone street, where of course they disappear after that.

“What should I do?” the jeweler will ask. “Should I get the guards? Or a healer?”

Somehow, Mallick will be restored to consciousness. Trust me, even his “arch nemisis” in my game wanted him awake, so he could talk. When he recognizes the people he’d been so cruel to actually saving his life, he has a change of heart.

(That, and, the “charm person” spell he was under was broken while he was Mostly Dead, and one doesn’t come within an inch of his life without having an epiphany or two…)

He explains that he never saw K’Ashira coming, that she “must have been invisible again”. He also adds, “Have you ever been hit with a magical weapon? Hurts like hell.” It takes VERY little convincing to get him to agree to help catch K’Ashira. He informs them that she’s probably gone underground, literally, after deciding that he’d outlived his usefulness to her. He suggests they go to the red-light district (call it what you call it) to find his contact, Tom Pocket. He’ll likely know where to find K’Ashira. From there he wishes the party all the best and goes to the infirmary.

TO BE CONTINUED…

4th-Level Fighter
Human – Male – L/E (at first)

STR 16 (+3) HP 25
DEX 15 (+2) AC 19 (Touch 12, Flat-footed 17)
CON 14 (+2)
INT 12 (+1) Saves:
WIS 13 (+1) Fort: 16
CHA 13 (+1) Reflex: 17
Will: 14
Base attack bonus: +4

Weapons:

• Light Crossbow
  1d8 dmg
  (+1 to attack and damage if under 30 feet, from feat)

• Longsword
  1d8 dmg

• Mace, Light
  Attack bonus +1 (from feat)
  1d6 dmg

Armor:

• Breastplate – no check penalty due to feat
• Heavy Wooden Shield – -2 Check Penalty

Feats:

• Point Blank Shot
• Weapon Focus (mace)
• Armor Proficiency (light)
• Armor Proficiency (medium)

Skills:

• Bluff +3
• Climb +3
• Craft (metalsmith) +1
• Handle Animal +1
• Intimidate +3
• Jump +3
• Knowlege (Local) +4
• Listen +4
• Ride +4
• Search +4
• Sense Motive +4
• Spot +3
• Swim +3
• Use Rope +4

Gear:

• Manacles (2)
• Belt pouch, contains 180 gold
• Hooded lantern
• Flask oil
• Waterskin
• Whistle
• Silk Rope
• City Guard Uniform
• Signet Ring

Languages: Common, Elven

Mallick Eleguth (age 30) is a tall man, with brown hair, blue eyes, tanned skin, and a brown beard on his square chin. When first we meet him, he’s K’Ashira’s right-hand man. He’s a very able fighter but isn’t above calling for backup (with the whistle) if needed.

5th-Level Sorceress
Teifling (Appears somewhat Elven) – Female – C/E

STR 9 (-1) HP 13
DEX 17 (+3) AC 13 (10 touch, 13 flat-footed)
CON 12 (+1)
INT 16 (+3) Saves:
WIS 13 (+1) FORT 14
CHA 17 (+3) REF 21
WILL 18
Base attack bonus +2

Feats: 2-Weapon Fighting
Silent Spell
Special Abilities:
Darkness spell once daily
Spells:

• 0-level
  • Daze
  • Ghost Sound
  • Detect Magic
  • Prestidigitation
• 1st-level
  • Disguise Self
  • Silent Image
  • Ventriloquism
  • Charm Person
• 2nd-level
  • Invisibility
  • Summon Swarm

(Spells per day: 6 0th, 6 1st, 4 2nd)

Weapons:
+1 Short Sword (2 of them)
+1 to attack and damage; has red gems and spider motif on hilt

Dagger

Armor: None

Skills:

• Appraise +4
• Balance +4
• Bluff +6
• Climb +1
• Concentration +2
• Craft (Jewelry) +3
• Craft (Magical Item) +4
• Decipher Script +4
• Disguise +4
• Hide +6
• Jump +1
• Knowlege (Arcana) +4
• Knowlege (Planes) +4
• Listen +2
• Move Silently +4
• Perform (Oratory) +2
• Sense Motive +4
• Spellcraft +6
• Spot +1
• Use Magic Device +4

Languages: Common, Elven, Infernal

Gear

• Cursed Amulet – silver with spider motif and large red gem
• Belt Pouch
• Thieves’ Tools
• Disguise Kit

K’Ashira has fair (almost white) skin covered in red spider tattoos, metallic copper eyes, and a flinty voice. She’s especially fond of using Invisibility in conjunction with Ventriloquism and Silent Image to distract enemies while she slips away.

The concept is this: suppose that there’s an afterlife. Now imagine some of those who have gone before, playing D&D.

DM: OK, you guys are fighting a half-dozen bugbears. Wizard, you get initiative.
Wizard: Hm…OK, how about I do “Transmute Water To Wine.”
DM: What? Why do you want to do that? Dude, you’re being attacked by bugbears!
Wizard: Well, OK then, I’ll turn the other cheek.
DM:…what?
Wizard: You heard me.
DM: *sigh* OK…*rolls die* Luckily, the bugbear misses you. Cleric, you’re up.
Cleric: I shall stand and face him.
DM: And?
Cleric: And look the bugbear in the eyes.
DM: …And?
Cleric: And I shall conquer him with love.
DM: Conquer with…WHAT?!
Cleric: No one can hurt me, without my permission.
DM: Oh yeah? Well, permission or not… *rolls die* the bugbear hits you and does… *rolls another die* six damage.
Cleric: Then I forgive him.
DM: *rolling eyes* OK, moving right along. Aha, it’s Warrior-Monk’s turn. Finally.
Warrior-Monk: I thank the bugbears for having a use for my body.
DM: …
Warrior-Monk: They clearly have more need for my body than I do, so I willingly offer them a chance to strike.
DM: …
Warrior-Monk: Well?
DM: OK. Guys. Listen to me. You are being ATTACKED. By BUGBEARS.
Warrior-Monk: *smiles serenely*
DM: Fine, fine, you don’t do anything either.
Warrior-Monk: But I am doing something. I very mindfully said to them that–
DM: *rolls die* Ooh, Bugbear fumbles. He trips and hits his head on a stone doing…*rolls die* 2 damage.
Wizard: Oh! I do a healing spell!
DM: You don’t have healing spells; you’re a wizard!
Wizard: *examining sheet* Are you sure? I thought sure I had “Cure Blindness” and even “Raise Dead” on here…
Cleric: I shall bind his wounds, then.
DM: Un-friggin-believable. Um…Paladin, looks like it’s all you.
Paladin: All right! I raise my sword, and I say, “Verily God hath made me a humble servant, and not a proud king. Not one of you must die but with resignation to the will of God, and with hope for his beneficence–”
DM: You know what? You lose your turn with all your monologuing. *Rolls die* Bugbear hits. *Rolls another die* Four damage.
Warrior-Monk: All is as it should be.
Wizard: Are you sure I don’t get any healing spells?
DM: OK, Bard, up to you now.
Bard: …what?
DM: It’s your turn. What do you want to do?
Bard: Meh.
DM: Look, your party’s getting the stuffing beat out of them. Maybe you could, I don’t know, sing a song or something to snap their spines into place?
Bard: Hey, man, I don’t perform for just anyone anytime.
DM: Fine, given, but you might want to perform for your party, now.
Bard: Pfft. Sellout.
(At this point it shows the actual players behind the characters: Jesus is the wizard, Ghandi is the Cleric, Buddha is the Warrior-Monk, Mohammed is the Paladin, and Kurt Cobain is the Bard)
Cleric: Perhaps we should find a new bard.
Warrior-Monk: Yeah. Nirvana my ass!
(As for the DM, I haven’t decided yet. FSM maybe?)
DM: OK, guys, allow me to explain this game to you once again…