I’d like to welcome the newest contributer, Maebishonu, to RollDamage. She’s a wonderfully talented illustrator and creator-in-general, and I look forward to the rest of the Blogoshpere seeing her fantastic work. Again, welcome!
He that will an Ale-House keepe
Must haue three things in store:
A Chamber and a Feather Bed
A Chimney and a hey nonny nonny
Hey nonny nonny
Hey nonny no.
–Thomas Ravenscroft, 1611
This is a good place for a break in the gaming session; picking it back up, the players are reminded that the thing they must do now is find K’Ashira and destroy the Curse once and for all.
I came up with this adventure for my party of 5 mostly-good-aligned 1st-level PCs. This particular story requires at least one female character and one halfling or gnome-size PC. The basics of the adventure will be here; NPC sheets and maps are in separate blog posts.
A strange curse seems to be spreading like a disease through the city of Lorynthea. Otherwise mild-mannered people (like old men and nuns) are suddenly and unexpectedly erupting into a violent rampage. Every day more people are being locked up. It’s believed to be an enchantment of some sort, and the culprit an elusive woman called K’Ashira the Red.
Lieutenant Mallick Eleguth
Human – Male – L/E (at first)
K’Ashira the Red
Teifling (Appears somewhat Elven) – Female – C/E
So I had a goofy idea the other day that may one day become a comic but not right now.
The concept is this: suppose that there’s an afterlife. Now imagine some of those who have gone before, playing D&D.
DM: OK, you guys are fighting a half-dozen bugbears. Wizard, you get initiative.
Wizard: Hm…OK, how about I do “Transmute Water To Wine.”
DM: What? Why do you want to do that? Dude, you’re being attacked by bugbears!
Wizard: Well, OK then, I’ll turn the other cheek.
Wizard: You heard me.
DM: *sigh* OK…*rolls die* Luckily, the bugbear misses you. Cleric, you’re up.
Cleric: I shall stand and face him.
Cleric: And look the bugbear in the eyes.
Cleric: And I shall conquer him with love.
DM: Conquer with…WHAT?!
Cleric: No one can hurt me, without my permission.
DM: Oh yeah? Well, permission or not… *rolls die* the bugbear hits you and does… *rolls another die* six damage.
Cleric: Then I forgive him.
DM: *rolling eyes* OK, moving right along. Aha, it’s Warrior-Monk’s turn. Finally.
Warrior-Monk: I thank the bugbears for having a use for my body.
Warrior-Monk: They clearly have more need for my body than I do, so I willingly offer them a chance to strike.
DM: OK. Guys. Listen to me. You are being ATTACKED. By BUGBEARS.
Warrior-Monk: *smiles serenely*
DM: Fine, fine, you don’t do anything either.
Warrior-Monk: But I am doing something. I very mindfully said to them that–
DM: *rolls die* Ooh, Bugbear fumbles. He trips and hits his head on a stone doing…*rolls die* 2 damage.
Wizard: Oh! I do a healing spell!
DM: You don’t have healing spells; you’re a wizard!
Wizard: *examining sheet* Are you sure? I thought sure I had “Cure Blindness” and even “Raise Dead” on here…
Cleric: I shall bind his wounds, then.
DM: Un-friggin-believable. Um…Paladin, looks like it’s all you.
Paladin: All right! I raise my sword, and I say, “Verily God hath made me a humble servant, and not a proud king. Not one of you must die but with resignation to the will of God, and with hope for his beneficence–”
DM: You know what? You lose your turn with all your monologuing. *Rolls die* Bugbear hits. *Rolls another die* Four damage.
Warrior-Monk: All is as it should be.
Wizard: Are you sure I don’t get any healing spells?
DM: OK, Bard, up to you now.
DM: It’s your turn. What do you want to do?
DM: Look, your party’s getting the stuffing beat out of them. Maybe you could, I don’t know, sing a song or something to snap their spines into place?
Bard: Hey, man, I don’t perform for just anyone anytime.
DM: Fine, given, but you might want to perform for your party, now.
Bard: Pfft. Sellout.
(At this point it shows the actual players behind the characters: Jesus is the wizard, Ghandi is the Cleric, Buddha is the Warrior-Monk, Mohammed is the Paladin, and Kurt Cobain is the Bard)
Cleric: Perhaps we should find a new bard.
Warrior-Monk: Yeah. Nirvana my ass!
(As for the DM, I haven’t decided yet. FSM maybe?)
DM: OK, guys, allow me to explain this game to you once again…
I made a handful of buildings, to add a little bit of character to villages and towns. Most of them were made with Sims 2 and lots of sweet custom content for same.
Click each picture for a larger view
Regal Express Courier Service
When sending a letter via land caravan just isn’t fast enough, you can count on Regal Express to get it there on time. Regal Express employs tamed gryphons for their “air mail” packages, which start at 10gp for anything weighing up to 10lbs. Gryphons are fed on rabbits raised on the premises. While they would naturally prefer larger game, rabbits are more readily renewable than horses or cows. The hatchery is kept under strictest security to deter would-be egg thieves.